'love is patient, love is kind. it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, and is not easily angered. it keeps no record of wrongs. love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'

it is easy for me to grasp now, to accept really, that love is painful. love, in its truest form, in the form that God intended it to be, goes against everything that we naturally want to do. in our flesh, in our earthly, natural selves, we are not generally patient, kind, content, humble, selfless, calm, foregiving, truth seekers who protect, hope, trust, and persevere. especially if these are required of us by a person who is rude, mean, annoying, stinky, slow, unintelligent, or simply unloveable.

but God requires it of us. He asks us to love everybody. those who are slow, dumb, annoying, mean, selfish, along with those who are lovely and wonderful. this is a painful request for a self-centered people, for a human being who seeks self-love before selfless love.

Elizabeth George shares that love is an act of will. that is, recognizing that we are completely incapable of love [as defined by God's standard]. thus, we must willfully ask God to will His love through us...pouring it out onto others. in order for something to be poured out, it must be opened. i found leona lewis' song to be deeply impacting when listening to it as a depiction of our relationship with jesus. by denying ourselves and asking God to will His love through us [selfless love], He cuts us open, to the deepest, inner-most parts of our very being, so that we may pour out His patient, kind, humble, passionate love for His creation. this process is a painful one...but a beautiful one.

Closed off from love I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melted into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking 'round thinking I'm going crazy
But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I keep bleeding keep, keep bleeding love
Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that their goal is to keep me from falling
But nothing's greater Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy
But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I keep bleeding keep, keep bleeding love
And it's draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see
I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I keep bleeding keep, keep bleeding love...

this song is so much my walk with jesus. a new and true relationship with a new and true love. but jesus doesn't just stop there. He asks that as i intimately open myself up to Him that i share that with others who don't know the truth...who think i'm crazy. even when i attempt to close myself or shut down...He cuts, that His love may pour of me onto others.
and in this painful process that may leave 'scars' [at least here on earth], He binds up all things with goodness and His will and His love. so that the whole world can see...His love, and the scars of healing.

how painfully wonderfully. that i may endure trials, suffering, hardships in this life, but if i allow Him, God will cut me open in those trials, sufferings, and hardships that i may bleed love over His creation.
God please continue to cut me open. please allow others to see the love flow freely from me. please allow others to see the scars and hear the stories of your healing powers. please allow me to willfully choose to pick up my cross and follow you. for the joy set before you, you bled love for my soul, your scars bear the story of your love for me. how precious your love is. how thankful i am for it.

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