I AM A WOMAN (aka: a human)
Earlier this week, I arrived at Starbucks to catch-up with my former boss...what transpired in the parking lot before I even reached the building literally sucked the excitement from my being and replaced it with fuming indignation.
Upon arriving, I found one last parking spot. The space presented a challenge in that the large SUV to the left had parked at least six inches over the line (into the last available space), but in my compact Corolla, and with my savvy and sophisticated brain, I knew I could make it work...at least for me - no guarantees for their passenger when they tried to get back in; a fair lesson I believed, hopefully next time they would make sure they parked in one designated spot. As I pulled in, I realized the driver of the SUV was still in the vehicle yacking away on his cell phone. When I turned off my car, he abruptly pulled the phone away from his face and snapped, "hey, hold on." He threw his SUV in reverse, yanked his tires to the opposite side and pulled back in. As I stepped out of my car, he rolled down his window and quipped, "little close there girly." I felt my blood literally boil in a matter of seconds; I leaned over and sternly remarked, "you were the one that was over the line" and walked away briskly. It was all I could do. I mean, it was all I could do NOT to demand that he step out of the car so that I could beat the ignorant boy out of him.
I fumed on the encounter the remainder of the day. I felt so marginalized, and degraded. Not only had some some man called me 'girly', as if he was correcting a child, he also made the assumption that I, as a woman, must obviously have been the one out of line -- because how could he have ever parked incorrectly?!?
The feelings dissipated, somewhat, over the next couple days as I spent much needed time with some of my closest friends...but the reality of the experience continued to bring up many things that I struggle with as a woman.
When I talk about the privilege men have, I usually get sighs, or whatever-eyes, or my personal favorite, 'Jennifer, you have to admit women's rights have come a long way...you can pretty much do anything a man could do.' Really; can I? Can I be treated with the same respect and dignity that men are offered in our society?
So I decided to present my argument in a different light, in hopes that maybe it will make more sense. As a woman, I have theprivilege of...
(1) Wearing jerseys and fire service shirts that obviously must belong to my boyfriend, or dad, or brother.
(2) Having a monthly scapegoat for all the behaviors that are not publicly appreciated...yes, I must just be on my period.
(3) Being able to blame my tears, big emotions, and poor choices (in any scenario really) on the fact that I am just being a woman.
(4) Putting on my bossy bitch pants, you know, whenever I need to be firm, stern, or set a boundary.
(5) Hearing all about how female athletes really aren't that exciting; except, of course, when they put lingerie on and play football.
(6) Sharing why I chose to wear an outfit and go to a place that ultimately led to my rape.
(7) Getting a whole host of really unique nicknames any time a man is trying to get my attention.
(8) Being told that I am the crazy one, for staying, when my partner abuses me.
(9) Reading magazines that solely talk about the flaws in my body, or other women's bodies, because apparently only women's bodies (and relationships) are story-worthy.
(10)Explaining why my gender (as opposed to my skill set, education, or work-ethic) won't be a detriment to the agency, team, or program.
The list could go on and on...but I think most readers should have a good idea of what I am talking about at this point.
I am a woman. And I am a feminist.
Not the type of feminist that demands that I should be able to wrestle a grown man in competition (bless your heart, Ronda Rousey). Not the type of feminist who feels I should be able to walk about bare chested on a hot day. Not the type of feminist that believes women's sports should replace men's sports. Not even the type of feminist that thinks that all men are scandalous chums.
I am simply a woman who believes in the humanity of both women and men. And as such, believe that I, as a woman, should be treated with the same dignity and respect as any man. I am smart, and strong, and capable, and a little funny (looking at times)...and I make mistakes, have tough days, and do silly things -- none of which are a mark of my womanness, but rather my humanness.
I am a human.
So please, please, address me as such. Respect me as such.
And I promise, I will always do my very best to reciprocate civility and kindness...
Upon arriving, I found one last parking spot. The space presented a challenge in that the large SUV to the left had parked at least six inches over the line (into the last available space), but in my compact Corolla, and with my savvy and sophisticated brain, I knew I could make it work...at least for me - no guarantees for their passenger when they tried to get back in; a fair lesson I believed, hopefully next time they would make sure they parked in one designated spot. As I pulled in, I realized the driver of the SUV was still in the vehicle yacking away on his cell phone. When I turned off my car, he abruptly pulled the phone away from his face and snapped, "hey, hold on." He threw his SUV in reverse, yanked his tires to the opposite side and pulled back in. As I stepped out of my car, he rolled down his window and quipped, "little close there girly." I felt my blood literally boil in a matter of seconds; I leaned over and sternly remarked, "you were the one that was over the line" and walked away briskly. It was all I could do. I mean, it was all I could do NOT to demand that he step out of the car so that I could beat the ignorant boy out of him.
I fumed on the encounter the remainder of the day. I felt so marginalized, and degraded. Not only had some some man called me 'girly', as if he was correcting a child, he also made the assumption that I, as a woman, must obviously have been the one out of line -- because how could he have ever parked incorrectly?!?
The feelings dissipated, somewhat, over the next couple days as I spent much needed time with some of my closest friends...but the reality of the experience continued to bring up many things that I struggle with as a woman.
When I talk about the privilege men have, I usually get sighs, or whatever-eyes, or my personal favorite, 'Jennifer, you have to admit women's rights have come a long way...you can pretty much do anything a man could do.' Really; can I? Can I be treated with the same respect and dignity that men are offered in our society?
So I decided to present my argument in a different light, in hopes that maybe it will make more sense. As a woman, I have the
(1) Wearing jerseys and fire service shirts that obviously must belong to my boyfriend, or dad, or brother.
(2) Having a monthly scapegoat for all the behaviors that are not publicly appreciated...yes, I must just be on my period.
(3) Being able to blame my tears, big emotions, and poor choices (in any scenario really) on the fact that I am just being a woman.
(4) Putting on my bossy bitch pants, you know, whenever I need to be firm, stern, or set a boundary.
(5) Hearing all about how female athletes really aren't that exciting; except, of course, when they put lingerie on and play football.
(6) Sharing why I chose to wear an outfit and go to a place that ultimately led to my rape.
(7) Getting a whole host of really unique nicknames any time a man is trying to get my attention.
(8) Being told that I am the crazy one, for staying, when my partner abuses me.
(9) Reading magazines that solely talk about the flaws in my body, or other women's bodies, because apparently only women's bodies (and relationships) are story-worthy.
(10)Explaining why my gender (as opposed to my skill set, education, or work-ethic) won't be a detriment to the agency, team, or program.
The list could go on and on...but I think most readers should have a good idea of what I am talking about at this point.
I am a woman. And I am a feminist.
Not the type of feminist that demands that I should be able to wrestle a grown man in competition (bless your heart, Ronda Rousey). Not the type of feminist who feels I should be able to walk about bare chested on a hot day. Not the type of feminist that believes women's sports should replace men's sports. Not even the type of feminist that thinks that all men are scandalous chums.
I am simply a woman who believes in the humanity of both women and men. And as such, believe that I, as a woman, should be treated with the same dignity and respect as any man. I am smart, and strong, and capable, and a little funny (looking at times)...and I make mistakes, have tough days, and do silly things -- none of which are a mark of my womanness, but rather my humanness.
I am a human.
So please, please, address me as such. Respect me as such.
And I promise, I will always do my very best to reciprocate civility and kindness...
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